Do you ever find yourself doing something in a very specific way and silently wonder if you might have a touch of OCD? Well, I do that – more and more often now.
I’ve always been particular. When I was younger, it was the way in which I was particular in my chaos. I guess you could call it organized chaos. You could ask me where anything was in my mess and I could tell you exactly ‘It’s in the hall closet, under the coats, behind the bowling ball.’.
When I was in University, I used to make my teammates insane on any given project, because I would not share my part until it was as close to perfect as I could get it. I am the same way in my work life, but only because I know what is expected of me. Now its called ‘being thorough’.
In my home life, I make everyone insane. I don’t know why but…life seems a little bit happier when ALL of the coffee cups are hanging nicely in their spaces, when the surfaces are nice and tidy, when the countertops are spotless. This isn’t actually the issue. My husband knows I’m neurotic and reminds me on a regular basis. The problems really start when I can’t get it ‘right’.
Not being able to get it ‘right’ (AKA: the way I visualize it) is frustrating at times. And when I can’t get it that way, I kind of just give up. Take my desk for example; I don’t currently have enough proper storage for the things I need to access, so instead it is just all over my desk. There is no middle ground. No compromise. Just…All or nothing.
I know its the same with my appearance, and I am starting to strongly suspect it so with my weightloss. The hormones don’t help. There are days when you might could find me at home chewing the curtains if the right spice was just on them. I get THAT hungry. But don’t worry, we aren’t there yet. But the fact remains that when I’m not seeing what I want to see in the mirror, I get frustrated. And when I get the munchies, its my justification to indulge. Which is ridiculous.
Are any of you like this? Do you obsess and obsess and then just say ‘Fuck it.’?
*Photo sourced via Pixabay