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Marriage: Cross-Species Communication and Saving Face

I sometimes wonder how people that have been married for so long, example 50 years, are able to communicate almost telepathically with each others. Do you think they laugh at ‘new’ couples, when they hear us having very different conversation with each others in the café? I think that definitely they do. They should!

Fun happening this week. I’m talking to a friend and my husband about an idea and we’re all excited about it. The next day, I’m talking to my husband again about it. Or, I thought I was. Amazingly, I must have been speaking in some sort of alien language, because he could not understand anything I was saying. The whole concept was strange. I repeated myself and the man just looked at me. Seriously??! It was at that moment that I realised ‘home hearing’ is real. (Or, I have a speaking problem.) If I could guess his thoughts by the look on his face, he was thinking ‘What’s thats sound? Some kind of buzzing…. its getting louder. Where is it coming from? Why is my wife angry looking? Maybe she hears it also…’

It was then, I stopped explaining and tried to save face with our friend. So easy to just say ‘we are having a married moment, will get back to you about the idea’. Did I? No. Of course not. I sent instead a incoherent, rambling message which probably made them wonder if I had been drinking. Great. That’s so much better.

I know that I am not the only person who makes themselves look stupid when its not necessary. I also know that the first years of marriage are a time of big changes. Well, that and just loudly saying ‘what’ from other rooms. What I want to know is, when does the long-term, telepathic communication happen? I’m excited about the time when I can mumble some wrong words for something and my husband understands exactly what I am saying.  When does this happen?

Anyone familiar about this happening?



  1. Definitely familiar with this conversation or should I say lack of communication. My husband and I are both each others’ 2nd spouse. This month we have been married 14 years and together 16 years.

    He is 6 years older than me and I think that is just about right foe us. My 1st husband was 3 months older than me, and as far as I can see he is still working on growing up. Alas, that’s is not the question at hand….my bad.

    If I want my husband’s attention and any chance that he might understand I speak English and a chance and I truly mean a minute chance he will remember our conversation I have to set the stage(so to speak). I first cannot talk to him within hours of waking up.Next, the tv, his,MacBook,iPad, or iPhone cannot be close at hand. If they’re turned off that would be even better. He definitely cannot be wearing his headphones!

    As retarded as it sounds I sit next and look at him and say his name. This is so he hopefully looks at me and I say “can you hear me? Are you listening?” Even if all this happens and he says “yes”, don’t think I’m in the clear. We might have a whole coherent conversation and 5 hours later under the same circumstance he still might say “what??” “What are you talking about??”.

    Now to be fair we are starting to have some telepathy. Right now that seems to be mostly having to do with situations and reading subtle body language. So, I still hold out hope the rest will come online(mentally not electronically…lol).

    Keep trying(& crossing your fingers behind your back…lol). Good luck!

    • Hahahah! LMAO – I know this wasn’t meant to be funny, but there are (funny) tears in my eyes because I very much understand what you are saying! I also, must know that there aren’t devices nearby And if I can’t condense the main bit of what I’m saying into the 1st 10 seconds I’m talking, I think I lose his focus completely.
      I’m waiting for that telepathy!
      Fingers crossed, and thank you for sharing experience and for your well wishes!

  2. My husband and I have been married for 42 years. I don’t know when the unspoken communication began. I think it just gradually grew over the years. Three years ago my husband had a major stroke which left him with expressive aphasia, difficulty constructing sentences and a problem using the correct word for what he’s trying to say. Most of the time I can almost read his mind, and I know what he’s trying to say even if other people can’t figure it out.

    • I am so sorry to hear about your husbands stroke. It is amazing that you are able to follow the line and understand what he is trying to express to you. 42 years, vau…that is love! <3 This is the kind of thing I am talking about. After 42 years, you know a person better than they know themselves.
      Great comment. Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration to us all! <3

  3. My maternal grand parents were married for 50 odd years and they were odd. I was around them for much of the latter 25 years of their marriage and can say they conversed quietly fairly often. Then I realised a great deal of the verbal communication stopped and was replaced with ‘silence’ that even I could not penetrate. I thought they probably now waited til they were in bed because I was maturing and two other grans had come to stay as well. Figured they didn’t want us to hear or know certain things, but then I realised the ‘silence’ was special. They were attuned. So totally married that they moved as one.
    Some friendship can be like that, don’t you think?

    • I love this! What a lovely true story, thank you for sharing this 🙂
      Friendships can be like that. I have a best friend who knows exactly what I’m going to do just by how my face looks. It’s interesting though in a marriage because it seems like 1/2 time people don’t listen to each others. So that telepathy happening, how does it happen?

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