7 Months In On My Shopping Ban and I’m Not OK.

This summer, I lost my mind. I decided I would challenge myself to live as sustainably as possible. To only grow my own food or purchase locally produced food items. To learn how to bake. And to embark on a 1 year shopping ban. No trial runs, just go do it! The food thing didn’t last long. The shopping ban, however, has lasted 7 months. (Probably because, well… I got goodies for Birthdays & Holidays)

Why am I not Ok, you ask? I’ll tell you. I’m not OK because I want to shop. Very badly! There are a few things happening at the moment:

  • My pants are starting to wear out. Those little holes you see & think to yourself, nah, it still works. Well they eventually turn into huge rips. Usually at the most inconvenient of times! (See the day I accidentally ripped the ‘back’ of my favourite pants and found myself being taped back together at a strangers desk!)
  • It’s really cold and I just don’t feel pretty when its cold. Too many layers, not enough warmth. And when your eyes/nose are watering and your eyelashes freeze, bothering to put on makeup, only to have it dissipate after a few minutes in the elements just doesn’t happen.
  • I’m (too) selective. Because of my %100 natural fibre neurosis, I have to spend a crazy amount of time researching items before I buy them. So many stores don’t even have products that fall into this category! So sometimes I make myself feel better by walking into a store that I know has nothing I’ll buy, then I can leave having purchased nothing and feel good about myself. This usually works. Until, that is, the store surprises me and has something that fits both my fibre needs & my size. That turns into a challenge quickly.
  • As an affiliate, I get the opportunity to browse a lot of dream products. And that I do (see fibre neurosis) as I refuse to promote anything I don’t want myself! And that’s the magic phrase right there. I want it myself. I want so much of it myself! Hand-crafted stilettos? Oh yes, those will be mine! Cruelty-free alpaca? You know it!  But I have to wait. Stalk. Save… In the meanwhile, I’m like a trapped monkey here.
  • And, speaking the truth, I just love the occasional new goodie. Does that make me a terrible person?

I never guessed that 7 months without buying myself a new outfit or shoes would result in shaking and sweating. How is this even possible? I don’t actually shop that much when I allow myself to because, well, I have to save for those purchases that I really desire. So it is quite the surprise to me that I am getting bored with my clothing. There was a year when I couldn’t afford to purchase myself anything. I saved and saved and was finally able to buy a cute dress with little red apple print on it. I loved that dress and wore it far beyond the 50€ I paid for it. I was so happy about it! So this is where I am questioning what is happening. Of course, I would love to go out and buy every piece of sustainable luxury that I like. Wouldn’t we all? But what has me stumped, is that those very few pieces I have fallen in love with, well, I find myself obsessing over them. Like somehow my life will be better if I own them. And that isn’t true, is it? What good is a pair of stilettos to me when I’m knee deep in snow? (Granted, the alpaca would actually keep me warm.) But yet I really feel like somehow if I have these items, my life will change for the better. And that just doesn’t seem healthy. Or true.

Now, I have actually been doing good things too. I have a daily system that reminds me that I absolutely should NOT be purchasing any clothing or accessories right now. But that is its own blog post, so more on that later.

I have also discovered that I don’t actually own that much. Thank you, for all the comments! It really helped me to put things in perspective. I really had no idea the number of contents of my wardrobe are comparatively small.

Any advice on how to calm the shopping anxiety?
-Mliae

Off – Days

Do you ever have those off – days when you have the best of intentions but the worst of plans? That’s me, today. I find myself just walking in circles, thinking about all the things I should be doing but just can’t seem to manage actually doing.

How do you handle those days?

-Mliae

*Photo sourced via Pixabay

When the Holidays Sneak Up on You.

This year has been a bit strange. I am usually that insanely excited person who decorates early for the holidays. This year, I’m late for almost everything. It’s like time is just flying by and I still haven’t worked up the nerve to go sort through storage and drag out our Christmas decorations. I mean really. It’s not like we have so much that it’s overwhelming.

Everyone’s happy that ‘oh, I got my decorations up last week’ and ‘I’ve just finished my gift shopping’!

christmas pixabay

…and I’m over here like

metaphor-pixabay

Any ideas on how to banish my inner Grinch and get back into holiday beast mode are appreciated!

-Mliae

*Text photos sourced via Pixabay. Feature photo is my own.

 

 

Overwhelmed in Bloggerdom

So, what happens when I’ve worked my ass off to get a ton of great content to write about? Well – this, of course. For the first time ever, I’ve found myself so overwhelmed that I can barely complete a thought.

I. Can’t. Believe. It.

I LOVE blogging and all the many hours of research that goes into it gives me some sort of super nerdy pleasure. So the fact that I feel like throwing a few things into a bag and running wherever the sunset takes me for a few days, instead of doing what I love to do on the daily (Blog, gardening, social media, learning, and ‘lunching’) baffles me.

I don’t have writers block. Quite the contrary, actually. But for some reason, the perfectionist in me has not currently been allowing me to sit down and write the way I want things written. So, instead, I have been focusing on some of my favourite light-hearted series’ and then multi-tasking. Multi-tasking meaning that I can’t focus on 1 thing, but am instead in the middle of 100 things and completing none of them. This is new.

What do you think? Is this being overwhelmed, or do I just have a major case of wanderlust with a side of ‘attention span of a fruitfly’?

No worries, I’m not flaking out on you guys. I just wanted to let you know what was going on in my world since I usually post every other day.

Happy Summer!

-Mliae

OCD or Just Particular?

Do you ever find yourself doing something in a very specific way and silently wonder if you might have a touch of OCD? Well, I do that – more and more often now.

I’ve always been particular. When I was younger, it was the way in which I was particular in my chaos. I guess you could call it organized chaos. You could ask me where anything was in my mess and I could tell you exactly ‘It’s in the hall closet, under the coats, behind the bowling ball.’.

When I was in University, I used to make my teammates insane on any given project, because I would not share my part until it was as close to perfect as I could get it. I am the same way in my work life, but only because I know what is expected of me. Now its called ‘being thorough’.

In my home life, I make everyone insane. I don’t know why but…life seems a little bit happier when ALL of the coffee cups are hanging nicely in their spaces, when the surfaces are nice and tidy, when the countertops are spotless. This isn’t actually the issue. My husband knows I’m neurotic and reminds me on a regular basis. The problems really start when I can’t get it ‘right’.

Not being able to get it ‘right’ (AKA: the way I visualize it) is frustrating at times. And when I can’t get it that way, I kind of just give up. Take my desk for example; I don’t currently have enough proper storage for the things I need to access, so instead it is just all over my desk. There is no middle ground. No compromise. Just…All or nothing.

I know its the same with my appearance, and I am starting to strongly suspect it so with my weightloss. The hormones don’t help. There are days when you  might could find me at home chewing the curtains if the right spice was just on them. I get THAT hungry. But don’t worry, we aren’t there yet. But the fact remains that when I’m not seeing what I want to see in the mirror, I get frustrated. And when I get the munchies, its my justification to indulge. Which is ridiculous.

Are any of you like this? Do you obsess and obsess and then just say ‘Fuck it.’?

Mliae

*Photo sourced via Pixabay

Is it Possible to NOT Lie?

Hi there,

Today I got Busted. With a capital B, for ‘lying’. Not outright lying, or pathological lying, but white-lie lying. And when I tried to defend myself, the reply I received was ‘you lie all the time about this stuff’. I was gobsmacked. I mean…REALLY?! I’ve always considered myself a rather straight forward person, with no time for lies or games. So how did this happen?

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about this after this discussion. This is how my lying evolved. You see, I used to be brutally honest. Like Tourettes – type, couldn’t stop myself, HAD to say what I thought. I’d been raised better than that, but I didn’t have time for bullshit. Better to just say it and get it out there. Surprisingly, I had many friends and they just accepted it as part of my personality. Although I know for a fact that there were many hurt feelings left in my wake of honesty. It was only after I began traveling to far-flung countries and cultures around the world, that I learned that this was not a good practice. Asia is what finally cured me of my brutal honesty. I learned, that in the culture, people elude to what it is they are trying to say. People are supposed to be able to pick up on the body language clues as well as inflection and understand exactly what was being said. But you never…EVER say it straight. It is insulting and does not allow for the person – sometimes victim – to save face. And that, is just not acceptable. Especially in any kind of business context. How was I so stupid? This point, my friends, is where the little white lies began.

  • ‘How are you?’ ‘Lovely’.
  • ‘What do you think of this dish?’ ‘Delicious.’
  • ‘Our schedule for tomorrow is…(7 solid hours of events I don’t want to attend) Does that suit you?’ ‘Absolutely, can’t wait’
  • ‘Does my butt look big?’ ‘Nope, you’ve got a great ass’
  • ‘I will pick you up at 6 in the morning…ok?’ ‘Perfect!’

You can fill in the rest. We all do it. Which brings me to the question of….why? If we all tell the same lies, then we all know when someone is telling the same lies to us, which takes away from the ‘I’ll soften the blow’ basis of the whole idea in the first place. So why do we perpetuate these little white lies when nobody is falling for the bullshit anyway? I mean, come on. I know that when I ask my fiancé if my butt looks ok in a pair of pants, exactly what he will say. (Well ok, not always. He knows it’s a trap & avoids it as much as possible). But when he does reply, I know that he wishes to avoid my incessant follow-up questions so much, that he will tell me exactly what I want to hear. And THAT is what this is all about. We lie to avoid hurt feelings and conflict. (As a general rule. There are some folks who just lie for…well, for themselves I guess).

My next question is: If I don’t want to hurt people with the brutal truth, and I don’t want to lie…where is the line? I think the line is tact. But tact seems to be that part between colours on the colour wheel where the shades blend in with each other. So where is the line between tact and lying? At what point do you pull yourself back?

And what about lying by omission? I mean, ok. I understand that it is absolutely wrong if you forget to tell your SO that you slept with someone else. That’s just straight out lying. But, well… I have a nicolette habit. It’s awful for me, I know. But I’m not smoking cause that’s 1000 times worse. My fiancé knows that in stressful situations I run for the gum. But he forgot about it after a time, and when he found some I had stashed away, he was really upset about it. This is the best kind of example I can give for what I mean. I didn’t see the problem, because I hadn’t told him I wasn’t doing it, so therefore wasn’t lying. And I think it ridiculous to report that I am purchasing it, as I don’t give a full report of everything I purchase, basically …ever. Same with clothes. I see something pretty, I buy it, I hang it, I pay my other bills. So why does it matter? But I digress. I think he felt like I had allowed him to believe that I wasn’t taking it anymore because the whole subject just kind of died in the wind, as most subjects do. And because I had them tucked away, not just laying out on the table, I can see that he thought he was being deceived somehow. So what is the thing here? When does just doing what you do and not thinking it important enough to mention, turn into lying by omission? At what point and how do you know? Help me out here, because I am at a loss.

I’ve really been thinking about this so I’ve decided to challenge myself, and you too, if you’re up for it, to NOT lie. No whoppers – pathological ‘I’m a detective, I work for the CIA, no I’m a policeman’ lies (not a problem for me, but maybe for some people), no lying by omission – i.e.; just not telling someone something (this will be difficult for me because I have a tendency to just do whatever I decide to do and more times than not, don’t bother telling anyone about it because I feel it’s not a big thing if I bought a new shirt, or left to go somewhere for awhile.), no conflict avoidance lies – i.e.; telling someone whatever it is they need to hear to just make. it. stop. No little white lies either. (Eeeek! This will be so hard, and I’ve already got a list of friends I’ll probably loose.) No lying on Cv’s or credit applications either, folks. (This happens a surprising amount. You know who you are.)

I would love for you to share any advice or thoughts you have on the matter because my questions are genuine. If I’m trying not to lie, and I’d like to maintain my relationships with friends, family and a lover who gets the brunt of my opinions…how do I do it?

Who’s with me?

-Mliae

My Guilty Secret: Weekend Cleaning Motivation

Welcome to my weekend 🙂

I don’t know how many of you out there are familiar with the show hoarders, or the UK version – The hoarder next door.  But these shows are…horrifying…and disgusting. And the best possible remedy for this lackadaisical cleaner – ever.

I don’t know what it is. But if I sit down in front of one of these episodes, I get up immediately after and clean my home like I’m expecting a Presidential visit. There’s a problem with this theory though and that is that I also find myself scrutinizing every little thing…and wanting to put out everything I don’t need to survive. Which is ridiculous, because I don’t have so much to begin with. Anyway, I do get a lot done.

What’s your biggest cleaning motivation?

-Mliae

OK, Let’s Talk…

Time to get a bit personal, ladies and gentlemen.

I’m not usually the type of blogger who shares the details of my life which are truly personal…like down to the core, personal. I like to keep things in my life on the positive side, and don’t generally even like to speak about the difficulties one might be having. However, this is something that has truly gotten my attention, and as my fellow bloggers, I am hoping that you may have some words of wisdom on how to navigate the storm.

As you might well know, recently, I have been blogging daily. I love it. This takes time. Lots of time and tons of energy. No problemo, it’s worth it 🙂 I’ve also been getting ready for the impending holidays with a fervor that rivals only our upcoming wedding. And the wedding planning…we actually had to take a time-out from that for a bit, as we wanted to spend at least as much time planning our marriage as we were planning our wedding. (So that’s why you haven’t been seeing tons of wedding posts recently). And the job? Well, you can imagine that all of this equals one very tired Mliae.

Since I have attributed all of this to my sluggishness, you can imagine my utter shock when I went in to have my ear checked (accompanied by a blood test) and I was informed that I was basically running on like 30% of the blood that a normal healthy woman my age should have. They had me sent to the hospital that same day. Among other things, I received several blood transfusions. This is terrifying. I am so disease-phobic that the mere thought of having another persons blood running through my veins was enough to make me break down into tears. And then, it happened. I found myself frantically trying to write posts from my phone in the ICU. I am addicted to my blog and cannot bear the thought of going MIA for days, that is crystal clear now.

We are not yet sure what is causing this and are keeping a close eye on things. It is disconcerting because I usually like to run at high-speed. Like, neurotic squirrel – high speed. (That is how my fiancé refers to it, anyway.) Everyone else seems to be more aware of the seriousness of this, except for myself. I just don’t want to contemplate that there might be something seriously wrong. I don’t want to be sick. I want to be my happy, healthy, squirrel-y self again. Because of all of this mess, my loved-ones have been telling me in quite loud voice, that I am not allowed to be a work-a-holic until this is rectified. I spend all day, every day blogging and working. You know that feeling when your goals are within reach and you know that all you need is ‘one more push’ to break through that wall? That’s how I feel. That’s what drives me. I will continue, there’s no question there. But, how does one circumvent the situation when there are things which need constant attention and those around you are treating you like a fragile granny – just sit and relax – when you really just want to run around the block?

This must be said: A HUGE THANK YOU to all of you out there who take the time to donate blood! It is a life-saver! ❤

My question is this: I know that most all of you have to carefully schedule and prioritize. How do you do it? What do you do when you are running at ‘full steam ahead’ and then suddenly, a massive wall appears?

Thanks for reading and hopefully, sharing advice too!

-Mliae