Beatles in the moment

Reblogged via “press this” from Poetpas Poetry, a great site that I have been following for years. If you like poetry and humour, I recommend looking at this blog!

It’s good to smile

-Mliae

Oi! Google Translate!

Languages. So many. And with each, their own hidden contexts. Those silent letters, or words where just one small misspeak and things suddenly turn to have very different meanings.

Where do we go with something as complicated (and possibly offensive) as language? Google. Of course.

I often must work across several languages. The more I work in these, the more certain I become that I do not understand anything. I rely on google translate services quite much, if not for full understanding, at the least to provide me with basic concept.  Be aware friends, google will leave you looking a fool.  Too frequently, I find myself looking silly, in a professional capacity. I am not the only one though. I know this!

So to share a smile across all those faces who have left themselves feeling quite stupid, and for those who have no idea what I’m talking about, here is google translates airline safety instructions!

 

Hahaha… Enjoy!

-Mliae

A Carrot’s Revenge….

It is the season for potato and carrot harvesting. My husband has been telling me I should go to look our small garden area, where I put potato in the ground this year. I’m quite certain nothing is growing there. Nobody has visited to give water in months and those top plant bits went yellow and died almost 2 months ago already. (They didn’t even get higher than my shoes, so….).

I did talk to some other ‘gardeners’ and purchased a 10kg (about 20 lb) bag of carrots from a man with 3 bags full of them. (That’s A LOT for such a small area). I got my carrots home and have been cleaning / drying them. And then I found this one just sitting in the bag, covered with dirt, not wanting me to eat it.  I laughed that heavily that I couldn’t just stop myself!

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Of course, I had to share it with you 🙂 I hope you laugh also!

If you are wondering about this wise carrot’s fate, I can tell you that the carrot won the game. I did not eat it. I cannot. The carrot is nicely sitting on the food table, waiting for the next person to notice it, comment about it and laugh.

Carrot = 1 / Me = blog post

-Mliae

Monday Laugh: Holiday Fails!

Ok, yeah…I kind of HAD to do this. Monday’s suck. And holiday stress is well, stressful. And you know me…a good laugh is always preferable to a good cry. So, I hit google and downloaded the weirdest, strangest, most inappropriate images I could find to give a giggle today.

Enjoy!

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When you know you can’t compete: Not a bad idea…at least they put in some effort.

*Photo via Acid cow

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*Photo via vitamin-ha

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Whoa! Maybe more terrifying than funny, but hey, when does one every get to see a sight like this?!

*Photo via The Christmas Blog 2013

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*Photo via Mom . me

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Right….think I’ll pass on those pancakes, thank you!

*Photo via She Knows

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*Photo via Team Jimmy Joe

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Someone would have to come get my car out of the ditch, if I saw this.

*Photo via Pinterest

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*Photo via Buzzfeed

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*Photo via Rural Revolution

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*Photo via Lame book

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*Photo via Sammy 5198

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*Photo via Damn you autorrect

 

Enjoy your Monday!

-Mliae

My Souvenir From the USA

So, a girlfriend of mine goes on holiday to the USA. When we all get together to hear about her trip, this is what she gives us.

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DONALD TRUMP CHOCOLATE BARS!?!!

This livened up the conversation a bit, as you might well imagine. We all had a good giggle.

I did not even know this was a thing.

-Mliae

The guys guide to female communication: what she says vs. what she means

In today’s age of gadget driven communication, it’s more important than ever to pay attention to social and physical cues to decipher the message. There are countless books out there which tackle this message, but sometimes its so blatantly obvious that one must chuckle at the inability to take a hint. *Guys, ladies hint… A LOT!

As my significant other has sucked me into the world of youtube, I have witnessed some absolutely cringe-worthy tutorials on what women want. (Usually by young men who have not had the life experience required to even take a guess)

So, I figured we’d have some fun and I would write my own little list of  what she says (does) vs. what she means. I hope you either have a good giggle, or maybe get that codex in your head once and for all 😉

 

*When you ask what she wants for dinner, what she says: I don’t know, what do you want? What she means: I really don’t know, what do you want?! Maybe you’ll amaze me with something that will make me super happy 🙂

*What she says: I’m not a feminist

What she means: Todays feminists are so overboard. Ask me in the 1950’s and my answer would be yes, when it was about the ability to work for fair pay – not as a teacher or secretary without being demonized. But as of this maniacal raving about everything male? Nope, not a feminist, I love a manly man.

*What she says: I’m craving candy

What she means: I’m craving candy, will you please be awesome enough to buy me some?

*What she does: Have the house clean & greets you at the door with a kiss and a smile

What she means: I missed you, you’re appreciated, and..oh yeah…You are so getting lucky tonight!

*What she says: I like those shoes

What she means: Would you like to see me in those shoes?!

*When you ask her how she’s doing, what she says: I’m fine. What she means: I’m anything but ok. Ask me what’s wrong. I dare you.

*What she says: Oh, she’s pretty

What she means: Please, say something about her that doesn’t make her perfect

*What she says: I talked to so-and-so today. (usually a boss or family member)

What she means: Break out the red wine, its going to be a loooonnnngggg night!

*What she does: Sits with her body angled towards you.

What she means: I’m interested! 🙂

*What she says: I’m going out with the girls

What she means: I’m going to grab a drink/do some shopping & listen to a shit ton of gossip, so you’d better be ready to listen to me bitch about my friends when I get back.

*What she says: I’m going shopping.

What she means: Tell me if there’s ONE thing you need & cross your fingers all the bills have been paid.

*What she says: I want to snuggle

What she means: Phones, iPads, PC’s and music be damned! I’m staying right here in this cozy spot for the day! Hope he orders in pizza.

*What she says: Can we leave the phones (somewhere) for dinner?

What she means: If I see you on that phone while we’re supposed to be having a romantic meal together, that thing is going to fly out the window. No shit.

*What she says: I’m hungry.

What she means: I was hungry 2 hours ago, I’m now so ravenous I’m ready to eat the couch! Food! Stat! Before I turn into a monster :/

*What she does: Order a small salad as her meal

What she means: I really care what you think about me. Don’t worry, I’ll be eating an entire ham at around midnight tonight.

*What she says: Where do you see this going?

What she means: Seriously?! Whhhhyyyyy are you soooo slow?! You’ve had ample time to fall in love with me, now tell me what I want to hear and lets get moving!

There are so many more of these that I just couldn’t stop myself, but I didn’t want you scrolling, scrolling, scrolling along.

What do you think? Ladies, am I wrong? Guys, have any funny remedies to these?

Thanks for joining in the fun!

-Mliae

Wedding guests confess: What happened at a wedding that tipped you off that it wouldn’t last?

I’ve heard some funny, and some totally horrific stories that tipped off friends and family that the nuptials weren’t made to last.

Reddit, also made a post asking this question and received approx 12,000 responses! If you want a good true-life horror, click here to read some of the reader responses! I am posting a few of the comments below:

  • destiny divided commented: ‘The groom looked drunk and the bride seemed incredibly angry. Then there was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce. I later found out she was the mother of the groom.What are some of your wedding stories?’
  • jennygraham2012 commented: ‘Grooms mistress found out he was getting married and showed up at the wedding, in the middle of the i-do’s, walked right up on stage and smacked him in the face.’
  • vogelarcher15 posted: ‘At the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom is in tears, because “he looks miserable” and he was, we all knew it. During the vows they had written for eachother, the bride starts with “I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!” They were divorced a year later.’
  • Owtlaw1 shares that: ‘The bride had the minister put “Til death, or divorce, do us part” into the ceremony.’
  • cricketino posted: ‘My cousin (the bride) told us, as she was going from table to table thanking the guests, that she didn’t think it would last. We were stunned. They lasted about a year.’
  • Sunkenloki commented: ‘Groom got caught getting frisky with a bridesmaid. That marriage lasted for about two hours.’
  • Conundrum1 says: ‘At the end of the reception the guys are sitting at a table away from everyone else talking and we ask the groom why he proposed. His answer? “Because she was naked.”
    Marriage lasted about a year and a half.’
  • And for a stranger than fiction comment, colonial chicken posted: ‘Holy shit. My cousin “Jan’s” wedding was basically just a preamble to an elaborate Dance of Divorce that we all knew was coming from the moment the engagement began. For context, this took place 15 years ago in the backwoods of NC. My family is just a generation or two removed from snake-handling in church, so some of the wackiness is the product of upwardly mobile inbreeding, and redneck gumption. Just a few things that come to mind:
    Her fiance proposed to her OVER THE CORPSE OF HER FATHER. He was over with the family watching TV when Jan’s dad collapsed on the floor. He died before emergency services arrived. Her boyfriend grabbed her hands as she was sitting next to her father’s body, pulled her up to her feet, and then asked her to marry him. He later said that he “didn’t want her to get away”.
    The fiance then disappeared for a month the week after the funeral. Nobody knew where to reach him.
    The bride’s white trash mother told Jan that she had to get married within 4 months because she (the mother, my aunt) planned to move to another state with her new boyfriend to avoid bill collectors.
    When Jan’s fiance showed back up, he was cagey and weird. Eventually, it came out that he’d been living with his ex-girlfriend because she insisted that he had to give her a month of his life, or she’d take him to court for child support that he was supposed to be paying on their infant son, but had never paid.
    Throughout all of this, Jan continued to insist that she wanted to marry him. My mother and I did most of the wedding prep and arrangements (Jan’s mom, despite insisting on the 4-month timeline to help pay for the wedding before her move, never contributed a dime.), and we were both pretty convinced that the wedding was going to be cancelled at any moment. But, the day arrived, and so did the principle players. At the wedding itself:
    The groom walked around drinking PBR out of a massive travel thermos with a novelty straw, and told everyone who would listen that Jan was a good “starter wife”.
    Jan threw several tantrums about stupid shit, including one in which she accused the groom of stealing her drink. He told her she was a “dumb whore”, but it all worked out because then she found her drink.
    The groom pulled the ring off of Jan’s finger during the reception and swallowed it “as a joke”.
    The groom picked a fight with his father because his dad had asked the ex-girlfriend to stay at home, and the groom had really wanted her to be there. Jan was in the dark about this invitation until the fight broke out.
    Epilogue: Shocking precisely nobody, except possibly Jan herself, they eventually did divorce. Eating the ring caused the groom some discomfort, so they had to cancel their honeymoon to the mountains so that he could go to the ER and get hospital-grade laxatives. They lost money on the cancellation and the ER visit, which they really didn’t have to lose. That resulted in some immediate debt problems, and they lost the trailer they’d planned to rent when they couldn’t come up with the deposit. That resulted in both of them moving into the groom’s parents’ home, into his old bedroom. Things went downhill from there.
    The groom’s ex-girlfriend popped back up less than 3 months after the wedding, heavily pregnant with his second child. She went after him for another “shared month”, but Jan wasn’t cool with it. The ex ended up taking him to court for child support. Jan got a second job to make ends meet while resigning herself to living with her inlaws for a while longer. One day, after he’d dropped her off at work, the groom sold Jan’s car. He then disappeared for several more weeks. She lost both jobs, and shortly thereafter realized she was pregnant.
    The groom accused her of cheating because he thought he couldn’t have more than two children in a lifetime, and his ex-girlfriend had already filled the quota. As I understand it, this is what ultimately caused the rift in their relationship.’

I am now officially horrified to see whats going to happen!

I would love to hear some of your wedding horror stories…Please Share!

-Mliae